Alone but not lonely

I’ve been travelling solo for so long it’s hard for me to even remember a time when I didn’t.

The first time I did this abroad, I had just turned 21 and was spending time at a spiritual community shelter called L’abri in southern England. I was very impulsive back then and so one morning I woke up and decided to just leave and go somewhere.

I didn’t have a plan. I took the train to London and used that time to think about possibilities. I guess whoever I was sitting by may have suggested Amsterdam, because that’s where I ended up going (after a few days in Paris). I stayed in a hostel and met other travelers, but mostly I walked around by myself and loved the city. Then I took a train to Germany where I found a phone booth and called some contacts I had there.

While, this was adventurous and at times even fun, it was also awful. I had the wrong shoes, I couldn’t sleep at night, and I never had a real chance to recover. So I was in pain, not thinking clearly, and generally miserable.

Today I know so much more about myself, and one of those things is that I am an extreme introvert. I need a lot of time alone to recharge and get my energy back in order to feel good and allow my brain to work properly. I understand the benefits of making plans and backup plans and dressing comfortably.

So when people ask me how they can start doing solo travel when it seems overwhelming, my first advice would be to start small. If you’re going on a family vacation, for example, book your flight to leave two days after everyone. And if you’re introverted like me, plan very little so you can allow yourself to just stay in and rest half the day if you want to. You could also plan a more local trip, like to a neighboring town or city. Just go for a day and eat out at a restaurant and do some sort of sightseeing. Think of it as practice.

Personally, I really like to just walk around for hours. Whether hiking or in a city, I like to explore on foot and then stop somewhere to eat and drink. I’m happy to do that for a few hours each day and then do little else the rest of the day. Everyone is different though, so you have to figure out what it is you enjoy and how much capacity you have to do this and other activities.

And then you have to give yourself grace to make mistakes and allow that things may go wrong. Some trips absolutely don’t seem worth it compared to the trouble they cause. When I went to Spain last year my phone was stolen. How I wish I could go back in time and just leave out that whole portion of my trip. But it was a life experience, and whether good or bad, it’s all valuable. Overall the gifts that traveling brings far outweigh the hard parts.

For me it’s so much easier to appreciate where I am and what I’m doing if I’m alone. My head just gets a little distracted when I’m around others. But when I’m alone in a park for example I can just be. I can notice things. Feel things. And so I find more moments of gratitude and presence.

So, here’s my advice:

1.) Decide what you want to do and where you want to go and research it.

2.) Decide how long based on what you know about yourself and your capacity. Do you have the energy to do a 2 week long trip? What feels good to you when you think about timing? One week in one place or break it up and stay at a different place each night? What feels easy to you?

3.) Make a plan and leave plenty of time for rest and recharge. Make sure details about your phone plan and money exchange are covered.

4.) Are you the type of introvert that likes alone time but also likes to be around people and potentially meet like-minded folks? Consider how you can do that, maybe with Facebook groups or meet ups. Maybe by doing a tour on a subject that you’re really into.

5.) Imagine it going well! Picture each day and how it will feel.

6.) Be okay with things going wrong. Know that whatever happens, you’ll be able to deal with it.

7.) Go and enjoy! If you find there are things you don’t like (like sitting at a restaurant by yourself) try something else. Maybe you can sit in a park and read instead. Enjoy the fact that you get to do exactly what you want to do without compromising with a travel buddy.