Sidewalk shock

Today I was walking around this neighborhood that I love so much and ventured into an area I hadn’t been to before. Batignolles reminds me of a really great Brooklyn neighborhood but with Parisian architecture. And of course a few more French people. People everywhere seemed to be having a good time walking around and shopping, sitting at outdoor cafes, walking their dogs. I even saw a man sitting at a table inside at a bar with his cat. The weather was just perfect, warm but not uncomfortably so. I was really enjoying life. I was wearing a cute dress and kinda feeling myself.

I started heading back home and was back on a block that I had been on before, right next to the Square of Batignolles (not pictured). It’s a tree lined sidewalk adjacent to the park with a big sidewalk full of people. Louis the dog is doing just great, not starting drama with any of the off leash dogs that pass.

All of the sudden something hits my head hard. Did a rock fall from a tree? Did someone throw a rock at me? Did someone throw a poop bag at me, cause that’s actually what it felt like? It must have been a fruit from a tree.

Please God tell me it was fruit from a tree. I looked around to see if other people’s expressions could tell me anything. No such luck. So I had to use my hand and see if there were remnants in my hair. Indeed there was some green and white liquid.

I looked down at my hand to sadly confirm that it was a giant bird dropping. It was on my hand, and also on my arm. I looked at my purse, there was a big glop, somehow on both the inside and outside of it. My neck and necklace, why yes, of course it’s there. Oh you gorgeous unseen pigeon, how you betrayed my fond feelings for you.

I had to use my now dirty hand to check my forehead- and yikes, it came back white and yellow. After touching my hair it came back green. So many thoughts were going through my head but I put them on pause for one second while I observed that a girl walking past me had clearly witnessed the entire thing play out and could not keep herself from laughing hard. Her friend evidently hadn’t seen and so she was laughing alone, but kindly trying not to.

I pull myself and the dog over to the nearest bench, ignoring the people already sitting there. This was a crisis, I was entitled to some bench real estate.

Did I have any napkins? No. Hand sanitizer? Always. Except now. I had just grabbed the necessary items for a dog walk.

So I used about 6 plastic dog bags and wiped off of my skin, hair and belongings as I could manage. I turn my focus toward home and getting in the shower as soon as possible.

As I get up and start walking, I go to put on my sunglasses. They are also covered in poop! Were they before? Does that mean it got in my eyes? I officially lost any cool I had left. My eyes are extremely sensitive to the sun, especially with my rosacea, and I would never even consider not wearing them. So while walking I take my cute mostly white dress and wipe them as clean as I can get them.

And say a prayer. I run every red crosswalk light and let Louis know there’s no more stopping and get home as quickly as possible. At the elevator I press the button and it doesn’t come. Someone upstairs seems to be holding it. So I have to walk up all 6 floors and run in and make it to the shower.

Seriously thank God for showers and water and soap. I could not be more grateful for running water, everyday, but especially today.

Here’s hoping I don’t have an eye infection tomorrow so I can laugh about this sooner than later!